Some Interesting Reading for Christian Men

Welcome to the October 8, 2009 edition of christian men.

Roberto Montanez presents A Simple Word – Do you mantain your Christian Word? posted at Vida Nueva Christian Ministries, saying, “Words are a vehicle for us to express our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. With words, people and nations have been built and crumbled. Words have the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21). Our relationships are based on our words and the actions that follow them. Our words reflect character. It reflects who we are and what we are. The question is are you keeping your word as a Christian?”

JCL presents Tithing on Real Estate Investments – Part II posted at The Real Estate Investing Journey, saying, “The joy of wanting to tithe vs. the legalism of tithing”

Mikkal Travvis presents Fascism On The Farm: H.R. 2749 – The Food Safety Enhancement Act of 2009 posted at The Truth, saying, “Please add The Truth to your blogroll:

http://thetruthwins.com”

JCL presents The Real Estate Investing Journey: How To Find And Use Christian Mentors posted at The Real Estate Investing Journey, saying, “How to use and find mentors to propel you to success through times of failure.”

Christian Fathers

Bible SEO presents Joseph – Father of Jesus | Bible Study Lessons | Bible Studies | Inductive Bible Study Guide posted at Bible Study Exposition Online, saying, “Learn Fatherhood from Joseph – Father of Jesus”

Richard Boureston presents Not Your Children’s Faith posted at Orange County Family Integrated Articles.

Dan Smith presents Fatherly Guilt posted at Different Frequencies…Same Radio, saying, “Video gaming is probably an issue that just about every father has come up against. As a Christian, I show in this post how I overcame one problem I had because of it.”

Lance presents Christianity 2009.8: Parenting Spiritual Champions – Legacy Dad posted at Legacy Dad.

Jeremy presents Articles – A Father’s Love posted at yourchristianvoice, saying, “Article expressing a father’s love.”

Christian Household Topics

Rick Schiano presents Let Go, for Mental Peace posted at Ricks Victory Blog.

Christian Husbands

BWL presents Redistribution of wealth in the Bible posted at Money in the Bible | Christian Personal Finance Blog, saying, “It turns out that the Bible has a few examples of wealth redistribution – in reverse.”

Christian Leadership Thoughts

Dave Roller presents Remembering Millard posted at Home School Dad, saying, “A dear friend of mine passed away earlier this year. He had a profound impact on my life and so many others. I wrote about him on my blog and when I saw there was going to be a Christian Men Carnival, I thought this post would go quitr nicely.”

Rick Schiano presents Our Lives Make a Difference Teaching posted at Ricks Victory Blog.

Carol Brown presents 100 Inspirational Blog Posts for Leaders & Managers posted at Career Overview.

Michael Holmes presents How Kanye West taught me about God?s forgiveness posted at Raise Thee Up Blog, saying, “In being arrogant and making stupid choices..I’m no different than Kanye. And neither are you. But there is a difference between God and the court of public opinion: God is quicker to forgive.”

Other Christian Thoughts for Christian M

Bible SEO presents How to Overcome Temptation – Biblical Perspective posted at Bible Study Exposition Online.

Anthony Delgado presents One on One Time With the Lord posted at eInquisitive | Giving you something productive to think about!, saying, “This post isn’t specific to Christian men, but I find that when my relationship with God suffers, as the man in my household, my entire household suffers. Spiritually leading a family starts with a personal relationship with God.”

Bible SEO presents Joseph: Bible Character Study posted at Bible Study Exposition Online, saying, “Bible life Lessons from the life of Joseph in Old Testament. His journey from pit and prison to the ‘prime minister’ of Egypt”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of christian men using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags: christian men, blog carnival.

What Fills Your Emotional Bucket Part 4: Physical Touch

What Fills Your Emotional Bucket Part 4:

Physical Touch

Why is it that when we think of a person whose love language is “Physical Touch“, we assume that it is all about sex? Well, there is good news for all of you who roll your eyes or freight over the love language “Physical Touch”. News Flash: It isn’t ALL about sex…actually 90% of the love language Physical Touch has nothing to do with sex.

Now that you can wipe the sweat off your brow, we can discuss the true meaning behind the misunderstood love language called Physical Touch.

In my blog series called “The Color Signature“, I talk about different personalities types and match those specific personality types with colors to help you remember them. One of the colors is a Yellow. People with this personality type are outgoing, talkative, people loving, loving life, attention getters, etc. If you ever watch “Yellows” in action, you will notice how much they touch people when they are talking with them. If you are a Yellow and do this, then you are probably chuckling right now and are picturing the last person you did this to…which was probably like 2 minutes ago J In saying all of that, my point is that Yellows like Physical Touch. This is how they show that they are comfortable. Now, Yellows are just an example and of course as with every other color, there are exceptions J I am one of those exceptions J You do not have to be a Yellow to have Physical Touch as your primary love language. Physical Touch isn’t my primary love language but it comes in as a CLOSE second.

Although my primary personality isn’t Yellow, I am still a hugger and a touchy feely kind of a person. I love when my husband, my children, my parents, my friends and new acquaintances give me hugs or touch me when they talk with me. It just makes me feel loved and important J If I am around people who do not enjoy hugging or “touching”, I tend to feel rejected by them or unimportant/left out. I had to learn the hard way that just because people do not allow me to hug them or get in their “bubble”, doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like me. It may just mean that “Physical Touch” is not their love language.

Here are some key things to remember or keep in mind if your spouse has the love language of Physical Touch:

• They LOVE to be touched!!! They feel comforted/secure by this.
• It doesn’t mean you have to have sex with them all of the time to make them happy.
• It is a nonexpensive way to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated.

That is it!! Although there are not many things to remember with this love language, it can be quite difficult for you “no touchy” type of personalities J For example…I married a “no touchy, you are in my bubble, task focused” man. I have to say HATS OFF! to my hubby, Trent, for striving so hard to love me with my love language of Physical Touch. This is not an easy thing for him to do at all. It is not that he doesn’t love me when he doesn’t want me in his “bubble”, it just means that physical touch is not his love language and he has to work really hard at loving me in that way. Although this is a struggle for Trent, he chooses/makes up in his mind to love me with Physical Touch because:

#1 He loves God

#2 He loves me

This is called being in a Covenant Marriage. In a Covenant Marriage your love is steadfast, selfless, forgiving and permanent…just as God’s love is for the Church.

Here are some tips to satisfy that “Physical Touch” spouse of yours:

• Before you get out of bed in the morning, reach over and kiss your spouse on the forehead, arm, or cheek, etc.
• When you get home from work or from being out and about, go hug them and let them know how much you missed them during the day.
• Spontaneously, go kiss your spouse on the neck or put your arms around them. You don’t even have to say a word. Your actions say it all.
• Cuddle with them at night in the bed or on the couch.
• When you and your spouse or in public, go put your arm around them or hold their hand. HUGE BROWNIE POINTS with this one!
• In the car, hold their hand.
• Give a back massage or better yet, a full body massage J

Just the Word

This past weekend, my wife and I took our children to Lifeway Christian stores.  As part of our Easter gift to them, we let each of the three pick out a new Bible.

The oldest, Braxton, is especially interested in reading things for himself.  After some bantering back and forth, he had his hopes locked in on a particular Bible that had a lot of pictures and very few words.  We looked around a bit and found the new Veggie Tales Bible which is a nice transition from the kids’ Bible to the more adult Bible.  One look at it, and he determined he didn’t want it.

I decided to work some “parental magic” on him and diplomatically got him to bring the Veggie Tale Bible with him as we walked over to where the Adult Bibles were.  I picked up one of the NIVs off of the shelf and sat down with him.  I selected a Scripture passage in the bible I had and had Braxton turn to the same passage in his.  Since I knew how much Braxton wanted to learn about Scripture, I thought the best way to get him to step up is to show him how similar the Veggie Tales Bible was to the “big person Bible.”

After I read the passage from the Bible I had, Braxton read the same passage out of his and instantly, his little face brightened with a smile.  Now, as a parent, I thought silently to myself, “I won!”  It was a short-lived victory because the lesson to be learned in this situation was not for Braxton, but rather more for me.

Braxton asked if he could look at my Bible and as he looked through it, he simply looked at me and said, “I don’t want the Veggie Tale Bible, I want this one.”  I spent some time trying to tell him that one was too old for him and that he needed to start out with the other one.  He said he didn’t want a Bible with any pictures in it.  Why?  His reason, simply put, struck my core.  With simple innocence, Braxton looked at me and gave me his reasoning:

“I just want the Word.”

I couldn’t hardly find any words to tell him no.  In fact, I was so busy trying to hold back tears that speaking was simply a bystander thought.  Granted, Braxton most likely meant he only wanted one with words, however, my spirit knew what Christ was saying through him to me.  And as you can see, a week later, the situation still consumes me.

How often do we spend Easter or Christmas focusing on what to wear to service, who’s going to get what, and what songs will be sung at church?  I know personally,  I have read several blogs this week talking about how to make the service more “attractive” or “inciting” to the visiting lost.  Churches will practice new songs, bring additional people into the choir, have additional services, but what is the real reason?

I guess as I sit and ponder upon Good Friday and think of Christ’ life, death, and resurrection, I am awestruck.  Jesus didn’t have the grand pianos, large choirs, or anything similar to Power Point, he simply had the Word.  After all, John 1 tells us he was the Word. And with only the Word, he drew masses of people.  In fact, you could say his sermon on the Mount was the first “mega-church.”

I am not, in any way, knocking the intense focus on making the Easter Celebration a grand event.  After all, it is worth more than any show, service, or anything we could ever put on.  I guess Braxton’s words just struck my core, challenging me to wonder how often I go to church looking for the “pictures on the page”.  Rather, I hope I begin having my heart, mind, soul, and flesh cry out, “I just want the Word.”

I sincerely hope you all have a great Easter…

About the Writer:

Trent Cotton has spent a number of years in management and business consulting. After spending some time in the field, he joined the HR department, beginning in recruiting and eventually serving as the Department Head of HR for one of the major lines of business. With such a varied background, he works to bring all of these together to help churches and other Christian organizations incorporate some common business practices into their ministries to enable them to better serve the Kingdom. He currently works for SourcePointe, an HR Outsourcing Agency while continuing to own and operate Christian Management Consulting as a ministry. In his free time, he also writes a lot on Church Development as a Church Consultant.

Enemy Behind the Lines: Fear Part II

Fear cripples most of us and we do not know how infested our camp is with fear until we are faced with one of these moments.  Most of the time, myself included, we back down and simply retreat thinking there will be another day to fight.  I have thought the same, but have been asked by Christ through my spirit, “What if the battle you needed to fight was today?”  That’s a hard question to answer.

Paul and Silas may have had some fear about singing hymns while in prison, but then again, what did they have to lose?  Chances are, they were told they would be executed or beaten.  They had a bodily threat where today, most of us only have a threat to our egos.  Paul and Silas had a greater fear though: the fear of the Lord.  They knew who was truly in control and submitted themselves to Christ again, in the midst of their fear.  Sometimes, that is all Christ is wanting from us, simple submission.  I am quite sure that as these two men sang, their fear began to subside back into the darkened corners of the prison where it belonged.

What are some of the fears most Christians have but may not know about? Here are just a few!

Confession

Ok, I realize they are not major things to others, but to me, the sight of a rooster or a clown begins the slow shutting down of major life systems in my body. My chest gets tight; I can hear my heartbeat in my head, and get physically ill, all within only two or three seconds of the initial sighting. So, regardless of what anyone else sees in these evil winged animals and demonic looking clowns, I am petrified.

I remember the first time I confessed my fear of roosters and clowns to someone close to me. It was a major leap of faith for me to confess such a fear to anyone and actually have to admit I was vulnerable. Before you ask the question, yes, this person laughed when I told them. In that moment, however, I realized the tremendous fear of confession I was harboring. It was almost harder telling someone else I had a flaw than it would be facing a clown holding a rooster.

A fear of confession is real and needs to be dealt with. I would venture to say all of us, on some level, have a fear of confession. It is not easy for us to dismount from our pedestal to mention even so much as one of the flaws we have.

If you don’t think you have this particular fear, let me ask you one question. What is that one sin you try your hardest to ensure no one knows about? Now, think about telling that sin to someone close to you, a way of confessing it and dealing with it. Do you realize now you have this fear?

Humiliation

As mentioned above, sometimes fear and pride go hand in hand, as would be the case with humiliation. We all try our hardest to “save face” in front of our friends, families, and co-workers. It seems there are some things in life that are not much different than grade school. Whether we admit it or not, we are still in the race to be sure we are wearing the right clothes, listening to the right music, have the right technology, driving the right car, etc.

A fear of humiliation is a devastating enemy behind the line. This particular fear might keep you from sharing your testimony with one of your co-workers. It could keep you from asking a burning question for fear of not knowing the answer. The fear of humiliation keeps us on the bench, spectators to Christianity. Fear of humiliation would be the equivalent of a soccer player having the fear of running. It’s counter to the Christian DNA.

The fear of humiliation is usually brought about through a past experience. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act. In most instances, humiliation may not be known to anyone but you, even if it happens in a room full of people. I have seen some who later tell of events where they were humiliated, yet on the outside, they were laughing at themselves along with everyone else.

Rejection

Rejection and humiliation are different animals, but close in kin. Humiliation is not as personal to me as rejection is. In my humble definition, rejection involves the submission of myself to someone, only to be rejected by them. Humiliation can be done unintentionally, however, rejection, almost by definition, has to be personal. It is a devilish beast to deal with.

If you think about people in your life, most have this fear which may be tied to something that happened in their families, a past relationship or some other type of situation. It is a far reaching, deeply rooted fear that eventually permeates everywhere in their lives.

The fear of rejection works a lot like humiliation when it comes to a Christian’s walk. Rejection often prevents a Christian from being involved in a small group, or an evangelistic group. Of all the fears, however, I believe this has the greatest potential for change. Why? Christ, of all people, knows the feeling of rejection all to well. He was rejected by followers, Peter, teachers, clerics, politicians and numerous others. From the cross he yelled, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Someone who is dealing with the fear of rejection might want to cry out the same sometimes.

Failure

Atychiphobia-the official name of the fear of failure. I can identify with this one in particular. Most of us have a fear of failure, disappointing those you love or simply just failing. People who fear failure do not take any type of risks, play not to lose-if they even play at all. It can be a crippling and at times, but it is not beyond victory.

If we find ourselves with the fear of failure, we should be greatly comforted by several of the characters of the Bible. Failure seems to be a great theme throughout Scriptures. Of all of the great failures, Peter is my favorite. He seemed to be a complete pro at it. He slipped up while trying to walk on water. He sliced off the ear of the high priest’s servant. When the time came to step up, he denied knowing Christ three times. Regardless of these, Christ still had an affection for him. Christ saw the reasoning behind his failures… passion. That is something Christ can work with.

As I mentioned before, I have had my own struggles with the fear of failure. I always equated Christian with holiness and holiness with perfection. Warped vision I know. In prayer, I brought my fear of failure to the Cross several times, but always managed to take it back. There was one time, however, Christ did not let me take it back. It was time I learned to get past this fear.

In my Prayer Place, I was shown a cup and a nail. Every time I thought of a failure, the nail would put a hole in the cup. Eventually, there were several holes in the cup. Christ asked me, “What do you see?” Of course, my answer was, “the holes.” Christ pointed out that His Grace was like water being poured into the cup. As the water poured out through holes, it was clear to me that my faults, weaknesses, my holes was what allowed his grace to pour through my life… minister to others if you will.

Although I thought it was over, Christ turned the cup open face down and placed a candle under it. As you would guess, the light from the candle shown through the holes. It was quite apparent the message given to me… embrace my failures, they are what Christ uses to glorify himself.

Overcoming our Fear

I love the story of Paul and Silas and I believe it has a lot to tell us about fear. In a way, all of us become imprisoned by our various fears. My fear keeps me from farms and circuses. For some, it keeps them from flying, others might not ever take a risk and share the Gospel with someone out of fear of rejection or humiliation. Fear can be a powerful enemy.

Let’s look at Paul and Silas and how they dealt with fear. As a result of their prayers and praise through their fear, a Philippian jailer was converted.  Their choice to overcome their fear through fervent prayer and worship saved not only the jailer, but his family.  What a testimony we have in this passage!  As a Christian Warrior, we are called to be bold and fearless in Christ.  Greater is he that we serve than he that comes against us.  If we all were to realize this slippery enemy in our own camp, perhaps Christ could use us more to reach out to the lost men we are constantly working with, speaking to, working out with, coaching with, etc.  Could you imagine the impact it would have on the Kingdom?

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear.”
H.P. Lovecraft

If you liked this post, you might want to check out the others in this series:

Unforgiveness

Regret

Self-Reliance

The Lie

Fear

About the Writer:

Trent Cotton has spent a number of years in management and business consulting. After spending some time in the field, he joined the HR department, beginning in recruiting and eventually serving as the Department Head of HR for one of the major lines of business. With such a varied background, he works to bring all of these together to help churches and other Christian organizations incorporate some common business practices into their ministries to enable them to better serve the Kingdom. He currently works for SourcePointe, an HR Outsourcing Agency while continuing to own and operate Christian Management Consulting as a ministry. In his free time, he also writes a lot on Church Development as a Church Consultant.

The Christian Sword- The Handle

The Sword Itself

Let’s look at the sword as a weapon and it’s relation to the spiritual warfare we, as Christian Warriors find ourselves exposed to daily.

The Handle

Starting with the basics, the handle is critical to the sword.  It goes without saying that you must have a handle on the sword in order to be able to use it.  Otherwise, it is too sharp and would slice you as much as it would your enemy.  This is true of the Word of God as well.  Oftentimes, a Christian Warrior wears their most powerful weapon in a sheath around their waste as a way to prove they are truly a Christian Warrior.  Unfortunately, in order to effectively deal an effective blow against our spiritual enemy, we have to be able to first pick it up.

The “pick it up” aspect of the weapon is as simple as spending daily time in the Word.  You can learn so much about previous battles and heroes of our faith who used the Word of God effectively.  Learning how the heroes of our past used the sword of the Word will have an impact on how you use it.  Granted, we may not be able to identify totally with Peter or Paul and their struggles, but we could empathize and see some of the similiarities in our struggles.  How did they use the Word to either get them through the battle they were in or simply use it for peace?

Another aspect of the handle of the sword is the ability to know how to hold it or in our example, how to wield Scripture.  I am not endorsing a blanketing of Scripture for all of life’s worries.  That’s a great tool to use if it works for you, but for most, this is not effective.  One tool or method to use this highly effective weapon is to memorize Scripture.

Before I lose you, I want to be clear that we are not talking about memorizing all of the Bible and be able to draw some Scripture verse out of the recesses of your mind at any given moment.  I am, however, inviting you to look at the battles you’ve already faced.  Now, let’s look at Scripture to find verses that are applicable for those battles.

Perhaps you have dealt with some financial warfare. (Yes, our enemy can use financial strife to get to us.)  Would you need to pull out every verse that deals with financial issues?  Of course not, but what you could do is use the verse that most applies to your particular situation and memorize it.  When the enemy begins to stir up anxiety, stress, anger or whatever other fire-bomb he decides to use, you can simply repeat that memorized verse to yourself as a reminder of the promises Christ has given us.  That is using the handle.  If you aren’t in it, you won’t know it, if you don’t know it, you won’t wield it.

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About the Writer:

Trent Cotton has spent a number of years in management and business consulting. After spending some time in the field, he joined the HR department, beginning in recruiting and eventually serving as the Department Head of HR for one of the major lines of business. With such a varied background, he works to bring all of these together to help churches and other Christian organizations incorporate some common business practices into their ministries to enable them to better serve the Kingdom. He currently works for SourcePointe, an HR Outsourcing Agency while continuing to own and operate Christian Management Consulting as a ministry. In his free time, he also writes a lot on Church Development as a Church Consultant.

Daily Marriage Inspiration

 

 

Where Have All the Good and Godly Wives Gone?

    

Do you remember the song from the 1990′s, “Where have all the cowboys gone”? When I was thinking about a title for this blog, that song came to my mind. The song is about a woman talking about her man. At first she is doing the household chores and he is working the fields. After awhile, she is left to do the housework while he is out doing his own thing. She desperately just wants her “cowboy” back to be the man that he was supposed to be. A lot of times we women put all the blame on the men today. We say, “They are nothing but womanizers” or “all they want is one thing” or “they are all jerks”. Has that ever come out of your mouth? I think it came out of my mouth last week more than 50 times. I struggle with the issues of men more than I do most things. Obviously, you can tell that I have had my fair share of hurts from men and I like to blame them for today’s problems J That is not right. Have we ever looked at the Women of today? Did we ever stop to think of all the things we have contributed to why men are the way that they are? Yeah…I think we need to focus on the tree in our own eye and stop focusing on the twig in the man’s eye.

 

Think about it for a second. Look at the media, look at Hollywood, and look at the clothing stores. Hey, you don’t even have to look at other people…look at your own life. If I took an inventory on my life and actually thought and admitted to what all I have done to make the statement true of what I said earlier…that “they are nothing but womanizers”, “all they want is one thing” and “they are all jerks” then I would be as much to blame if not more from the clothes I wore, to the environments that I put myself in, the words that I said to them, etc.

 

So, what does this have to do with being a Godly Wife? Everything. We as women have got to first admit that we have contributed to our own problems when it comes to our marriage and/or past relationships. I know that sounds quite harsh but it is true. We have to quit doing things the “worlds” way and start doing it “God’s” way. Until we do that, our lives will be screwed up. AND that is putting it nicely J After we admit that we contribute to our own problems and start doing things “God’s Way” then we can move on to being a Godly Wife. A lot of us just do not know how to be a Godly Wife. In 1 Corinthians 8:1 it says “For lack of knowledge my people perish; but knowledge puffeth up, and charity edifieth.” And in Hosea 4:6 it says “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” We must get into the Word of God, a.k.a. The Bible, and start finding out what God says about being a Godly Wife…our marriage depends on it!

 

Above all other things, we are to love the lord God with all our heart, mind and soul (Matthew 22:37). This is a command not a suggestion from God. After that, God made us women to be the man’s helpmate. In Genesis 2:18 it says “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” It is so good that God in the first book of the Bible lays out what our main duty is as a woman/wife. For some reason we either do not “get” what God is saying here or we are being rebellious feminist. I hate to put it that way and I am not saying that we do not have rights as women nor should we put up with an abusive husband/man, I am just saying that we should KNOW and UNDERSTAND that God’s #1 role for us is to be the man’s helper not his competitor.

 

Below are 3 key roles of a Godly Wife that The Bible lays out for us. Some of you out there may have to take a chill pill after reading these and really have to pray about how to go about doing these things. A lot of them are against our nature and what the “World” tells us we should be in the household. I do have to ask you this…do you notice on the family sitcoms where it shows the woman being the boss and the man does whatever she says but complains about her and criticizes her the whole time? Kind of letting the world know that “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. That my friends may be true in this generation but that is not what God intended it to be. That is why you see so many men being lazy, no good, party going, rather be with friends, etc. kind of a man. We let them because we want to be “in charge”. We wanted it so bad ladies…now, we are suffering the consequences of our actions. Read the roles of a Godly Wife below. Be open minded and know that God tells us to do this not because he is trying to make us beneath a man but to be what the Church is to Christ. If we stop and think that God compares the Woman to the Church…that is a wonderful comparison. So, ladies we should look at it this way which is very profound…One is the helper (woman) and one is the helpee (the man) In relation to Christ and the Church. In the proper/Godly role, they are an unbeatable team. Out of this role, there are inevitable problems.

1. Love your husband
   

In Titus 2:4 it says “These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.”

1. Submission
   

This one is a hard one for us women. Maybe it is the whole feminist movement that we were raised in. More than likely, it is just the lies that the devil has told us for so long. Submission in God’s way is not a bad thing. He is not saying that your husband can make any decision, hurtful remark or beat you and you just submit to your husband. Let’s see first what God tells the man about his role to his wife so when I explain the whole submission thing, you will be more accepting to what God says to us about being submissive to our husbands. First of all in Ephesians 5:21, God commands both the man and woman to submit to each other. We just have different roles when it comes to submitting to each other and God explains them both to us.

1. The man: For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. Ephesians 5:25-30
   
2. The woman: for wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything…33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:22-24 and 33
   

Ladies I want you to know something. Remember what I said about men representing Christ and women representing the church? Well, how does Christ come to us? Does he demand us to obey him because he simply said so? Not at all! He did not come demanding to be served. Rather, He came to serve and to love. That is what God means by our husbands being like Christ and us like the church. If we view it in that way, it isn’t hard to submit to that. In all actuality, if you are submitting to your husband and your husband abuses the authority that God gave to him as leader of the household…God will bless you for obeying God. Your husband will have to answer for not being where he needs to be in Christ. It boils down to serving God. Don’t look at it as serving your husband but view it as serving God. The same for your husband…he should view being the head of the household and loving you as Christ loves the Church as serving God and not as loving someone so much that you would lay down your life for them when most of the time ladies we surely do not deserve that kind of love from our husbands. That is why it is so important that both you and your husband are one with Christ and that Christ is the center of your marriage.

1. Satisfy Sexual Needs
   

Obviously this is a major problem in this world. This is nothing new. Throughout history, we see wars that have been fought over sex and women, divorces from sexual immorality, killings over sex and the list goes on. God spends a lot of time in the Bible guiding us in the proper ways to use the gift he gave to a husband and wife. Anything outside of having sex as husband and wife is wrong. I think a lot of why there is sexual immortality or adultery is the thrill of it. I know that sounds bad but when you are married, sometimes it gets to where sex is just something you do. There is no excitement of “We are not supposed to be doing this” or “What if we get caught”, etc. It is our duty to read up on what God says about sex and apply it to our lives. This doesn’t mean that it will be boring and blah J Why is it that we can be creative in soooo many areas in our lives but when it comes to sex with our spouses it is like…forget that! If they are not meeting my needs, or they never want it…then we are missing the whole picture. When I say this, I am talking for myself. Believe me, God uses my blogs not only for you, but for me as well J Let’s see what God says about sex and then apply them to our lives while adding some spices/creativity in there to keep the spark alive in our marriage.

 

1. In 1 Corinthians Chapter 7, Paul is answering questions that the Church of Corinth had about marriage, sex, being single and idols. This chapter gives so much insight for us Christians. I encourage you to read this whole chapter but I am giving you 1 Corinthians 7:1-5: “Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s sexual needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” WOW!!! These are very strong words. Can you say that you practice this? Sometimes we do not look at sex in this way. We do not understand that once we get married that our bodies are not our own anymore. We are one in Christ with our spouse. For this reason, it is wise to go through Christian marital counseling before you get married. That way both you and your future spouse know upfront and agree together to practice what God’s word says about sex in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. This could save you a lot of heartache from adultery and other hurts/disappointments in regards to sex.
   
2. In Hebrews 13:4 it says “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”
   
3. For fun, read Leviticus 18. These are rules and regulations that God gave to Moses in regards to the “Do’s and Don’ts” of sex. You may chuckle at most of them but this is common sense that we take for granted. Remember, this is before they had any right or wrongs in the genre of sex.
   
4. If you want to spice things up…read Song of Songs/Solomon to your spouse and be creative with that J
   

In closing I want to leave you with 2 things. I want to give you what Solomon wrote in Proverbs 31:10 and what I used in my vows to Trent “The Portrait of a Godly Wife”. Have a wonderful day and be blessed by the Truths that God has shown you today through his Word about being who God created you to be in your marriage. Change is hard but with change comes growth and with growth comes fulfillment…in Christ. Love you all!!!

 

Proverbs 31:10-31

^10
[a] A wife of noble character who can find?
       She is worth far more than rubies.

 ¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
       and lacks nothing of value.

 ¹² She brings him good, not harm,
       all the days of her life.

 ¹³ She selects wool and flax
       and works with eager hands.

 ¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
       bringing her food from afar.

 ¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
       she provides food for her family
       and portions for her servant girls.

 ¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
       out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

 ¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
       her arms are strong for her tasks.

 ¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
       and her lamp does not go out at night.

 ¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
       and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

 ²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
       and extends her hands to the needy.

 ²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
       for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

 ²² She makes coverings for her bed;
       she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

 ²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
       where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

 ²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
       and supplies the merchants with sashes.

 ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
       she can laugh at the days to come.

 ²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
       and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

 ²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
       and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 ²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
       her husband also, and he praises her:

 ²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
       but you surpass them all.”

 ³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
       but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

 ³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
       and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

 

The Portrait of a Godly Wife

 

A Godly wife submits herself to the headship of her husband as ordained by God. She recognizes that the freest place she can be is under the authority of her husband. She brings her husband good and not evil all the days of his life. She is industrious and creative, making the most of the family’s resources to provide abundantly for the needs of her children and husband. When her husband is in error before the Lord, she seeks to win him over by her behavior rather than by nagging, complaining or other verbal means. She does not grudgingly minister to her husband but does so joyfully and heartily. She raises her children to respect her and their father and to honor God.

 

She is ruled by the word of God rather than her own emotions, desires, or her own ideas about the way things should be. She walks in close fellowship with the Lord so that she is ruled by the Spirit of God rather than her own flesh. Her life reflects the fruit of the Spirit as found in Galatians chapter 5.

 

She looks not only to her own interests but also the interests of her husband. Her husband is able to have full confidence in her. Her behavior brings her husband respect. She is a helper to him in many areas, using her own particular gifts and training to benefit the family. She has a gentle and quiet spirit which makes her beautiful in the eyes of God. She uses her speech to build up and encourage her husband in faith. She is not critical of her husband to him or to others. She is ruled by a fear of the Lord.

 

I, Summer, Take you, Trent, To be none other than yourself.

I promise to stand by your side; to encourage you, and be open and honest with you;

To laugh with you and cry with you.

I promise to be faithful to you emotionally and physically;

To always love and honor you;

To put God first in my life, and be a prayerful wife/mother;

To be a Godly role model for Celi, and love and nurture her as my own child.

Both freed and bound by our love, before God and witnessed by our friends and family, For as long as we both shall live.

 

I love you my wonderful gift from God, my husband, my best friend and the love of my life forever…Trent J

 

 

 

 

Enemy Behind the Line-Unforgiveness

Continuing our series on the “Enemy Behind the Line“, I wanted to spend some time on one I have struggled with and continue to struggle with: unforgiveness.  Read this Scripture Passage from Luke 15:

“The son got up and went to his father. While he was yet a long way off, his father saw him. The father was full of loving-pity for him. He ran and threw his arms around him and kissed him. 21 The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am not good enough to be called your son.’ 22 But the father said to the workmen he owned, ‘Hurry! Get the best coat and put it on him. Put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet. 23 Bring the calf that is fat and kill it. Let us eat and be glad. 24 For my son was dead and now he is alive again. He was lost and now he is found. Let us eat and have a good time.’

While pondering today’s Scripture Reading, I noticed one line of this story I had never really taken into account.  Of course, we all know the story of the two sons, one son who works the fields while the other one spends his inheritance on matters of the world and after finding himself with the pigs, decides to go back to his father for forgiveness.  You know this story as do I and most us focus on the wonderful correlation to how the father welcomed his son home regardless of his faults and how Christ does that to all of us when we turn back to him.

When reading this passage this morning, I was struck by one line, look below:

The son got up and went to his father. While he was yet a long way off, his father saw him.

Notice the part I underlined.  These four words brought a totally new perspective for me to this story.  I felt the Holy Spirit inspire me to ask myself the question, “How did the father see his son from afar if he wasn’t already looking for him?”  Of course with my mind, I began racing to the mental theater in my mind now seeing a piece of the play I had not paid any attention to before.  Rather than the father simply seeing his son by happen-chance, I now see the father pacing on the hill, constantly looking for his lost son to return home and when seeing him, being filled with joy and then running to embrace him.

This has helped me better understand something about Christ that I have always been told and an attribute that Scripture supports.  We all use the passage in Revelation about Christ knocking on the door and “letting him in to dine with us,” but isn’t it a comforting revelation for all of us who strive toward a more Christ-like life to know in our heart of hearts that when we have strayed from the right path, Christ, like the father in the parable, is pacing on a hill looking for us to return?  And it’s not like He waits for us to run to Him and throw ourselves before his feet and beg for forgiveness, the simple act of turning to Him and taking the first step almost forces the heart of Christ to run to us where we are.  Now that is a Saviour!  Unlike those we live with day in and day out who wait for us to approach them wtih an apology, and at times revel in our graveling for their forgiveness, Christ waits to run to us.

I think we all to often forget that forgiveness is part of the requirement of us.  It is very easy for me to sit and brew over something.  Although I say I have forgiven that person, in actuality, I have not.  Unfortunately, I believe this is a battle many of us have to fight.  One simple foothold Satan can use in our lives is that of unforgiveness.  It is the seed of so many thorns in our lives that will choke the Word being scattered in our lives by Christ.  It starts as a simple vine, then eventually, it will take over.  It is one of the enemies behind the line.  As a Christian man or Christian Leader, you have to uproot this weed before it is too late.

One final thought for you to ponder: Do you think it is ironic that the father in this story was pacing on a hill looking for his lost son?  I can’t see anything Christ doing as being simply ironic, but rather, divinely inspired, only because He still paces on a hill waiting for us.  The hill is called Calvary!

So if you are a father or in a leadership position, let’s try to remember to be actively looking for opportunities to forgive and embrace those who change their hearts…

Stumble It!

About the Writer:

Trent Cotton has spent a number of years in management and business consulting. After spending some time in the field, he joined the HR department, beginning in recruiting and eventually serving as the Department Head of HR for one of the major lines of business. With such a varied background, he works to bring all of these together to help churches and other Christian organizations incorporate some common business practices into their ministries to enable them to better serve the Kingdom. He currently works for SourcePointe, an HR Outsourcing Agency while continuing to own and operate Christian Management Consulting as a ministry. In his free time, he also writes a lot on Church Development as a Church Consultant.

Being a Prayerful Wife, Parent and Woman

Do you ever feel like the pressure of being a woman in this life is just plain tough? I don’t know about you gals out there but by the end of the day I am so tired and most of the time overwhelmed by my responsibilities and the so called “expectations” that people have for me that I just don’t know what to do anymore. Also, how many of you are struggling with a situation in your marriage, with your children, within yourself or at work? I am! Sometimes we think “What is the use” and we think that those things will never change because that is just the way that “He/She is” or “I’ve always had this problem”…

Well ladies…that is a lie that is being told to you by the devil because there is something that we can do that is extremely effective and is highly recommended by the all time #1 best seller and Author…Jesus and The Bible. What is it you ask? PRAYER. Some of you may chuckle at that and say…Summer, I’ve been praying for these things since I was in 1^st grade or since I married my spouse and I’ve never seen a change! Really? If that is really the case then we need to ask ourselves these questions when it comes to how we are living our lives:

1.      Is what you are praying about something that will in the end glorify God and God alone? Or is it to glorify you? A.K.A. What is your motive behind your prayer? I love how James 4:1-3 The Message version puts it into perspective for us. It says “Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn’t think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you’d be asking for what you have no right to. You’re spoiled children, each wanting your own way.

2.      Are you constantly complaining to God and feeling sorry for yourself when you are “praying” to Jesus? (which is actually not prayer, that is called whining and we read about what God did to the Israelites in Exodus when they kept whining and complaining…can we say SMITE?)

3.      Do you have one foot in the world and the other foot over with Jesus? If so, you really are not walking with Jesus because in Revelation 3:16 it says “Since you are lukewarm and neither hot nor cold, I am going to spit you out of my mouth.” Um…can we make the assumption that God doesn’t like for us to be “lukewarm” when it comes to being a follower of Christ? Absolutely!

4.      How do you pray? Do pray in a ritualistic kind of way or do you come to God as your father, giving him thanks for what he has done and will do in your life?

5.      Are you honestly giving the prayer up to God…whole heartedly and without strings attached? Or are you still holding on because you want to have some control over the answer to your prayer?

These are just a few questions to ask yourself and to honestly answer…not for me of course or for you to feel guilty but for you to open the door for God to work on your behalf. He loves his children! The power of prayer is a powerful force to use against the spiritual enemies that come against us all day every day! If you suffer from anxiety and depression…look up scriptures that pertain to that and come to God in truth (His Word). If your marriage is falling apart at the seams…find scriptures that pertain to that and come to God in Truth.

I have to use Trent and myself as an example. I am very blessed to be married to Trent and he is a remarkable man but Yes, we do see things differently and have arguments. When we first started having our arguments, I would get so frustrated with him because I like to talk things through and solve the problem. He likes to end the conversation and not talk about it until he has time to cool off and think more rationally. My feelings would get more hurt by me insisting that he keep talking the problem out (my way) instead of letting him cool off because he would warn me and finally just say something that he knew would destroy me to make me shut up and leave him alone. It just made the situation worse. So, I was desperate! I couldn’t stand the fact that every time we had a disagreement about something that I had to wait a week or however long it took Trent to rationalize things before I had closure or was happy in marriage again J I was in our room one day and remembered the book Trent bought for me… “The Power of a Prayerful Wife” by Stormie Omartian. Let me tell you…that book open my eyes! Of course! I know that my husband listens to God. If I pray, offer Truths up to my Father in Heaven, release the circumstance/problem completely over to God…I will have a break-through! I am not saying that my way will always happen, but when I completely offer the entire circumstance over to Jesus and allow Him to work then whatever the outcome, He will be glorified and Trent and I will both be happy with the outcome. I am here to tell you it works and shows God’s Grace and Love for his children.

The power of being a prayerful wife, parent and woman is extremely important in this generation! I’m kinda jumping the gun and going into tomorrow’s blog topic when I say this but we are the help mates for man! What better way can we make a statement to the World than to be a prayerful woman! The men out there need us to stand up and be the help mate that God created us to be in Genesis 2:18, 20 God assigned the married woman the responsibility of being a helpmate to her husband.

I challenge you to start being a prayerful woman who earnestly seeks first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and then all these things shall be added unto you! (Matthew 6:33). Below are some scriptures about prayer and coming to God with your needs. Also, please answer the questions above and do some soul searching. God has mighty things in store for each of you but you must be willing to fully Seek Him, Trust Him, Obey Him, and Submit to Him and watch the flood gates from Heaven open up on your behalf! Have an awesome and Blessed day!!!!!

Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Matthew 18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

Luke 11:9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
11 If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

John 14:13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

John 15:7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.

John 15:16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

John 16:23 And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.
24 Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

Philippians 4:6 Be careful [NKJV: anxious] for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Philippians 4:19 But [NKJV: And] my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

James 4:2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

1 John 3:22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.

1 John 5:14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:
15 And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

1 John 5:16 If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it.

Daily Marriage Inspiration

 

 

Being a Woman After God’s Own Heart

 

Hey everyone!!! It is so great to be back writing Blogs that God has lain on my heart to share with others. This week’s blog series is “Being a Woman After God’s Own Heart”. I believe that there is a new movement that is stirring inside women of this generation. All our lives we have been told and shown what a “true woman” is supposed to be through the Media, school, work environment and even our parents. Well…something is just not right and we Christian women are picking up on it.

 

As I was studying for this series, I came across a book called “Becoming God’s True Woman”. The editor is Nancy Leigh DeMoss and the book is written by seven other Godly women who are “picking up on it” as well. I was reading a little bit about the book and came across this awesome passage…

 

“A charge to women to recover what the feminist revolution has robbed them of: the God-given beauty, wonder, and treasure of their distinctive calling and mission.

The feminist revolution was supposed to bring women greater fulfillment and freedom. Yet women today feel anything but fulfilled and free because they have lost the distinctiveness and richness of their calling as women.

Now a movement is spreading seeds of hope, humility, obedience, and prayer—a call to return to Godly womanhood—and its truth will resound in the hearts of readers.”

 

It has been way too long…living a life that the “world” tells us we need to live…when in reality, all it brings is hurt, discontentment, lies, sickness, hate, loss, etc. There are two verses in the Bible that stood out to me in regards to what I just said… “Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God’s will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect.” Romans 12:2 and “Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” 1 John 2:15.

As I was watching TV the other night I saw a commercial about a new show teaching “young women” to become “women” that guys want to marry. I have to say, I loved what the host said to one of the ladies…and I will paraphrase this…Honey, you may have a beautiful body and are wonderful to look at and can get any man to “sleep” with you but you WILL NOT find a good man to put a ring on your finger. He is absolutely right! We have been told for so long that we have to look a certain way, dress a certain way, and flaunt ourselves in a certain way that is completely degrading to who we are and are created to be in Christ Jesus. I love this verse and ladies this is a wonderful verse to read out loud daily… “There are husbands (men) who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance-the styling of your hair, the jewelry your wear, the cut of your clothes-but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. 1 Peter 3:1-5. If you are a single woman and are searching for Mr. Right or are struggling in a marriage with your husband, I challenge you to try God’s way. I did it the “Worlds” way the first time and it brought me destruction. I did it God’s way the second time and God gave me a Man that surpassed all I ever dreamt of in a man! Also, here is a saying for you…Any man can get apples that fall off the tree but a good man will climb the tree to get the best apple at the top of the tree.

 

Below are the Blog topics for the rest of the week in this Blog Series:

 

Tuesday: Prayerful Wife/Mother/Woman

Wednesday: Submissive/Respectful to our Husbands ~ According to God’s Will

Thursday: Loving Others

Friday: Serving the Lord

 

I do want to leave you with this…God loves us Women so much! I mean Passionately loves us! He will never leave us or reject us. He will protect us and provide for us. Shouldn’t we love Him enough to strive to be A Woman After His Own Heart…to be a Light in a dark world…to be an inspiration to the hurting women out there…to be role models and mentors to the younger generation?

 

I love each of you and hope that you all have an Awesome and Blessed day!!!

 

 

 

The Enemy Behind the Line- Self-Reliance

This series began with the first blog article entitled; “The Enemy Behind the Lines-The Lie” which focused on the lies Satan has convinced many of the men of today in believing. As a man, I believe one of the “enemies behind the lines” I have had to face is that of self-reliance. Unfortunately, it has been a lesson that has been excruciating at times, but one needing serious attention.

My grandfather always had a garden, and I have the greatest memories of being out there with him, working on the various crops. At the time, I only saw it as a way to get away from my normal, everyday routine during the summer. As I look back on it, I know now it was Christ’s way of training me for the life ahead with the mini life lessons my grandfather taught me in that garden in south Alabama. One of those lessons applies to the subject of self-reliance is Paw Paw’s simple saying regarding weeds. “It only takes one, then they take over.” Self-reliance works in much the same manner.

Self-reliance is just that, relying on one’s own abilities to accomplish one’s ambitions. How is this one of the lies or enemies behind the line? If you are truly attempting to be a Christian man, one following the path to the cross, Self-reliance is one of the first weeds you need to pluck or prune. My grandfather explained to me that one weed, although it did not seem like a major problem, would eventually germinate quicker than the real vegetation in the garden and eventually choke the life out of the plants you were actually trying to harvest. Self-reliance works in much the same manner, slowly taking over your spiritual garden and choking the life out of the vines that produce the fruits of the Spirit.

Self-reliance calls for accountability only to oneself, not to God. It submits only to the authority of self-ambition and rebukes any correction offered by Christ. Self-reliance slowly takes the divinity of Christ off of the thrown in our own Holy of Holies and replaces it with our own image. Rather than worshiping the one true God, we begin worshiping our own creations and furthermore, we begin to expect others to do the same. If one who is Self-reliant ever finds their circle of friends, their family, or their co-workers are not praising their endeavors, it becomes a major bone of contention and could even result in a major stumbling block in any of those relationships. Christ, in numerous parables, relates the Kingdom of God to that of a field and often speaks of the vegetation versus the weeds war. James 3:16 puts it another way, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition [Self-reliance ] exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” As James says, “every vile practice” is the eventual result of selfish ambition or self-reliance.

Personally, I never had any idea just how deeply rooted this issue of self-reliance was for me. In 2007, I rededicated my life to Christ and said a prayer that changed my life’s course. In the silence of the night, I prayed, “Christ, break me and mold me.” What I really meant was, “Christ, break me and mold me, but only the way I want you to.” Fortunately, Christ doesn’t work that way. Once the prayer left my lips, the work Christ had begun in me was kicked into high gear. The heat, used to mold me to conform to the image of Christ, was turned up about 250 degrees and my little castle of cards began to fall, one story at a time.

At the time, I was a Vice President of Human Resources for a major bank in the Southeast. In my late twenties, a lot of “power” and “influence” was not the best thing for me. Submitting to Christ meant I had to begin “unsubmitting” to myself. Although I had the same sense of false humility that most Christians seemed to have, Christ was calling me to something deeper. Within only a couple of weeks, I was released from my position at the bank and so began a 90 day journey jobless. For such a long time, I introduced myself as Trent Cotton, Vice President of HR for *** Bank. So much of my identity was wrapped in the person I had made myself to be, not in whom Christ had made and called me to be.

So when my job was eliminated, I initially thought, “Not a big deal, I am marketable, everyone will want me.” After about 90 days, I soon realized I was not all I cracked up to be. I prayed for days to understand what was happening, why was I not getting anything. While searching for answers, I heard a lesson based on this verse:

37 And He will say, Where are their gods, the rock in which they took refuge, 38 Who ate the fat of their sacrifices and drank the wine of their drink offering? Let them rise up and help you, let them be your protection! 39 See now that I, I am He, and there is no god beside Me… Deuteronomy 32: 37-39

This particular verse shows the warnings against a Self-reliant spirit. What are the consequences? For me, Christ watched as the perfect storm in my life soon consumed me and chipped away at the self-reliance I had acquired over the years. When I cried out to Christ for help in my plight, I could almost hear, “And where is your god? Aren’t you the all-powerful god that can do anything? See now that I, I am He and there is NO god beside Me …”

As I looked back, I could see where my self-reliant defiance against the authority of Christ in my life had ruined so many aspects of my life. I saw the character others saw in me and was pretty displeased, borderline embarrassed by what I saw. While I was preaching to be a great Christian man, I did not have enough confidence in the one who saved me to guide me, mold me, and yes, save me. In my mind, all of those tasks fell under my authority and jurisdiction. Essentially, I wanted to be saved by Christ, but wanted him to be this little figure in the corner of my life that I could bring out every Sunday and talk about as if I truly knew of his grace and divinity, but then place him back in the closet of reason and doubt during the week. Fortunately, his grace saved me from living a life believing that lie.

So, how do you tell if you are Self-reliant ? Let’s look at some questions to ask yourself:

• When I am not noticed for the work I do, is it hard for me not to throw an internal fit?
• When I have a major project, do I rely totally on my own abilities rather than praying for specific guidance?
• Am I hard to teach?
• Am I unwilling to listen to correction from someone, even if it is on how to become closer to Christ?
• Do I shrink away from accountability?
• Do I only go to Christ when all chaos has broken loose?

If you answered yes to any of these, chances are, you have a weed of Self-reliance in your spirit. Just like my grandfather said, only one can be enough to start a complete takeover of your spiritual gifts. Self-Reliance prohibits self-control, joy without limits, patience in others… and the list goes on. Self-Reliance takes Christ out of the situation and focuses more on us being the God of our universe. It can lead to false hope, false beliefs and most importantly, false relationships.

As a Christian man, we are to be Christ-Like. I cannot think of one passage in Scripture where Christ was Self-reliant. In fact, he openly prayed for guidance and gave thanks openly for the miracles God had proven through him. In the garden, Christ went to God the Father for guidance and support before walking to the cross. Of all things, Christ was not self-reliant and neither should we be. If you find yourself battling a spirit of self-reliance, here are a couple of suggestions on how to combat it:

• Constant, intentional, daily prayer
• Ask for an accountability partner and be humble and willing enough to listen-you might want to consider asking a fellow Christian Warrior
• Pray for humility and to be broken
• Try to listen more than you speak. If you truly have a problem with self-reliance (like I did) this will be torture at times, but will help keep things in check
• Daily assess how you did and look for ways Christ could have been exalted rather than you exalting yourself.

Gentlemen, Self-reliance can destroy all types of relationships, even marriages if you don’t pluck that weed to its root and quickly. Remember, it only takes one weed of self-reliance to take over. Be the warrior and eliminate the enemy’s chance to destroy from behind the line.

Stumble It!

About the Writer:

Trent Cotton has spent a number of years in management and business consulting. After spending some time in the field, he joined the HR department, beginning in recruiting and eventually serving as the Department Head of HR for one of the major lines of business. With such a varied background, he works to bring all of these together to help churches and other Christian organizations incorporate some common business practices into their ministries to enable them to better serve the Kingdom. He currently works for SourcePointe, an HR Outsourcing Agency while continuing to own and operate Christian Management Consulting as a ministry. In his free time, he also writes a lot on Church Development as a Church Consultant.